Miscellaneous
5 DEC 2007
A collection of terror overreaction stories
I’ve been noting down a few stories recently as they’ve come up in the news and now seems as good a time as any to mention them. As before, they all seem to be triumphs of cover-your-ass judgement calls over any kind of common sense. Part of the problem is the calls from the government and police for us, the general public, to remain vigilant and report any suspicious terrorist activity. But what is suspicious activity? What does a terrorist look like? And there’s the problem; there’s no simple answer. Instead, people notice what they perceive to be different, non-mainstream behaviour, or actions that they can’t comprehend, which make them uneasy. Does the average person know enough about bomb-making to distinguish between a real device and an advertising sign? Anecdotal evidence suggests not.
1. Police taser man in diabetic coma
This incident actually happened just before the shooting of Jean Charles de Menezes, but has only just come to light. The victim decided to speak up after the police involved were cleared of any improper conduct.
Nicholas Faubert was traveling on a bus when he had a hypoglycaemic attack and collapsed into a diabetic coma, ending up slumped over his rucksack on his lap. When the bus arrived back at the depot and the driver realised he was still on board, rather than check if he was OK the driver decided to call the police. When he didn’t respond to police instructions (because he was in a coma), the police tasered him and he fell off the seat face down onto the floor. As it happens, one of his arms was trapped underneath his body when he fell, which the police didn’t like, and when he failed to respond to requests to move it (because he was in a coma and now tasered) they shot him again, just to be sure. It was only in the police van that they noticed the medical tag around his neck that warned of his condition, and even once he was taken to hospital the police refused to remove his handcuffs while he was treated.
2. Blind musician accused of being a terrorist and feigning his condition
A steel band was removed from a Ryanair flight (why am I not surprised it was Ryanair?) due to a passenger’s concerns that their blind drummer may have been feigning his condition. The passenger became concerned when he noticed that the band, who had been together in the terminal, were sitting mostly in separate seats. He then thought he saw the blind drummer reading a paper, when in fact his companion was reading out the football results to him from it. When another couple of families overheard his concerns the crew decided to call in the police and the band members were taken off the plane. Despite quickly proving that he was indeed blind, and the plane remaining on the ground for at least an hour after that, the pilot decided not to let them re-board the plane because he was worried it would increase the tension with the other three families. He made all these decisions without ever leaving the cockpit or talking to anyone directly involved.
3. What it’s like to be a terror suspect
This is quite an old piece by a journalist who was actually arrested as a terror suspect in the weeks following the London bombings in July 2005. It’s an interesting article as he recounts his experience, best read as is from the link in the title above.
Category > Miscellaneous
4 OCT 2007
More terror overreaction
Oh dear. The smell caused by a Thai restaurant which was cooking up its annual super-chili dip was assumed to be some kind of chemical attack and a small area of Soho was cordoned off and evacuated while fire crews with specialist breathing apparatus investigated. It would be interesting to find out who was able to escalate the affair from "hmm, what a strange smell, let's try and find the source" to "OMG!11!!1! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK! PANIC!1!! EVACUATE!". It's also interesting to note that the restaurant's been there for 17 years, so presumably the previous 16 years of the annual event have passed without any problems.
Category > Miscellaneous
6 SEP 2007
A little common sense please
There’s a lot of worry about terrorism these days, and in more and more cases things seem to have got completely out of hand. The people in positions of responsibility are so worried about covering their own asses in case something does happen that they go to ridiculous lengths under the proviso of “just in case”. Cases in point:
1. Earlier this year the Cartoon Network advertised their new series of "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" by putting up neon signs instead of advertising boards around ten major cities. After a couple of weeks the Boston police suddenly noticed them and decided that they must be bombs and immediately shut down large sections of the city, as well as interstate, rail and river traffic.
When they realised they’d made a mistake, rather than apologise for overreacting, they decided it would be better to arrest and prosecute the two designers for “placing a hoax device to incite panic”. Bruce Schneier had a good article about it on his blog. Here’s what the signs looked like:
2. A 13-year-old boy was suspended for 5 days after he drew a picture of a gun on the back of his work because he was bored in class. The principal said it was “absolutely considered a threat”. What do you think?
Category > Miscellaneous
4 SEP 2007
Website redesign
Right, as of now our website has a funky new look, which of course you'll only know if you've been here before. There's also a new Gallery section which will house some of our photos as I get round to sorting them all out. Hopefully there'll also be more frequent content updates, so watch this space.
Category > Miscellaneous
11 JAN 2006
Ernie the Loon Hunter
A unique chance here for you to read an imaginative and mind bending story written section by section by half-a-dozen different people over a couple of months. We're just waiting for one of the major publishing companies to get wind of it and come calling.
Category > Miscellaneous
20 OCT 2005
The Fine Art of Conversation
This is an email conversation that Kirsty and Mr Al had one day. Kirsty says of it:
I think it shows that we like the Goon Show, I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, and Morecambe and Wise, don't you? Also that we are easily distracted.
A: "Meh? Is it time for my medication yet?"
K: "YES"
A: "Oh good...one large JD and coke please."
K: "Certainly, sir." (Shines bar with tea towel embroidered with a large loon.) "One large Zach Braff and coke."
A: "Ta very muchly. Wait a minute" (...60 seconds later...) "bartender, there's a man in my drink!"
K: (unplugs iPod headphones) "Mm? Oh. Sorry. Hold on." (Fumbles under bar) "Here we go - one large Jim Davidson and coke. Enjoy."
A: "Now look here...no not here, here. That's better. I'm not happy with the level of service, its one thing being given a drink with a man who has snogged Sarah Chalke and Tara Reid, but I'm insulted to find him replaced by Jim Davidson. Literally insulted; I'm not, never have been and never will be one of Doddy's Diddy Men...I demand to see the manager!"
K: (appears behind angry customer in a scary flash of smoke and taps him on the shoulder) "Are you sure you want me to summon the Big Guy?"
A: (Turns around, removes tap from shoulder) "Ha! I'm not scared of your cheap theatrical smoke tricks, bring him on!"
K: (In full protective gear) "Okay, your funeral buddy. Hold on." (Ducks behind bar. Rustling is heard) "Here he is then, mind the fury and show some respect." (A small woolly monkey with one leg is placed on the bar)
A: (Looks at bartender as if she's gone mad) "Have you gone mad? If you expect me to believe that THIS is the mighty, all-powerful BIG GUY, then you must think I'm a Man City fan."[Man City Rock! Go Team! - Ed]
K: (The monkey slowly opens one woolly eye, and turns his woolly head towards the customer. The clatter of someone running away very very quickly down some stone steps and slamming a heavy iron trap door is heard from behind the bar.) "Hem." (The monkey clears its throat).
A: (Genuinely amazed, but not in the least bit scared, the customer calmly smiles at the monkey and in a sarcastic tone addresses him) "Morning, oh powerful one. What do I have to do to get a drink round here? A real drink, sans-comedian."
K: (With a dry woolly sound the monkey's mouth opens slowly. There is a long pause.) "To be honest, chuck, I only drink tea meself. Fancy a brew?"
A: "Where the heck are you from monkey? You seem half Mancunian, half Scouser and and half Stoke...wait a minute, that would make you a monkey and a half, you cheeky little primate!"
K: "Well that's very kind of you, sir, very kind. Oh, by the way, I have to kill you now. Hold on." (Leans head back, then snaps it back level and shoots out a 10 metre long jet of flame. For about 10 minutes)
A: (Spends 10 minutes standing 10m 10cm from the bar, gets healthy looking sun tan) "Cheers for the tan monkey...but I'm afraid that is the last straw. Erm, could you hold this ticking device for me, while I nip to the loo?" (hands over a small bomb disguised as a large bomb. Good disguise eh? Runs to the gents)
K: (Monkey sobs quietly to itself)
A: (Bang! Triumphantly the customer strides fourth from the gents, attempts one to three being unsuccessful due to his trousers still being around his ankles, and declares) "Once again Darwinism triumphs. That and a large quantity of good quality, chicken-poo based explosive...does make the pub smell like a battery hen farm though!" (But wait, through the smoke a small woolly leg can be seen twitching...)
K: (The bartender appears from behind the bar, lighting a cigarette from the twitching burning woolly leg. She looks over at the customer with a slightly contemplative expression.) "Sorry, were you waiting to speak to the boss? I couldn't find him in the cellars. Checked with an underling and he said something about feeding his pet monkey, Speckled Jim. Loves that monkey. Loves it. Even trained it to speak like the Churchill’s dog in the adverts. Apparently the last chap who threatened that monkey ended up living in Dudley."
A: "A pet monkey you say...he wouldn't be sort of woolly with one leg and an atrocious bad-breath problem would he?"
K: "Sounds like him, yes. Nice chap. Bit mad."
A: "Yeah. Look, erm not sure how to say this, but while you were down in the cellar, this big, ugly, scary gang came in and...well, to put it mildly, blew his little monkeyness to smithereens (which is near Bangor, Wales). Terribly sorry."
K: "Fair do's. Look, do you mind just pressing that red button over there behind you? The one that says 'BOOM' on it?"
A: "Yep, no problem." (He walks over to red button marked 'BOOM' and thinks to himself 'I wonder what that stands for...'Bartenders Ogle Operatic Monkeys'?')...
K: BOOM
A: "Bugger. Apparently that button marked 'BOOM', actually meant 'BOOM' and not some clever acronym...hmmm now where did I put that arm?"
K: "Didn't you hear me say "BOOM" just now? I was trying to warn you - you pressed the button marked "BUNNIES" instead. Now you've gone and lost an arm. Good gravy. Look at the mess."
A: "Well of course I pressed the button marked 'BUNNIES', I'm not stupid...oh wait a minute" (2 hours later...) "where was I? Oh yes I might be stupid, but at least I'm 'armless." (in the background somebody is practising falling down stairs whilst playing the drums, the only noise the people in the pub can hear is 'boom boom tish')
K: (Sighs) "Look, I'll cut you a break. If you use your fallen off arm to mop up some of that blood, I'll get you a drink to ease the pain a bit." (The man practising the drums while falling down stairs rolls across the floor between them, trapped in a bongo). "So what can I get you?"
A: "I'll have a JD and coke please..."
Category > Miscellaneous