2005 Archive


2 DEC 2005

D&D journal entry

Added 24th Nov and 1st Dec 2005 Journal entries in our D&D game.

Category > RPG > D&D


18 NOV 2005

D&D journal entry

Added 17th Nov 2005 Journal entry in our D&D game.

Category > RPG > D&D


15 NOV 2005

D&D journal entry

Added 10th Nov 2005 Journal entry in our D&D game.

Category > RPG > D&D


7 NOV 2005

D&D journal entry

Added 3rd Nov 2005 Journal entry in our D&D game.

Category > RPG > D&D


28 OCT 2005

D&D journal entry

Added 27th Oct 2005 Journal entry in our D&D game.

Category > RPG > D&D


20 OCT 2005

The Fine Art of Conversation

This is an email conversation that Kirsty and Mr Al had one day. Kirsty says of it:

I think it shows that we like the Goon Show, I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, and Morecambe and Wise, don't you? Also that we are easily distracted.

A: "Meh? Is it time for my medication yet?"

K: "YES"

A: "Oh good...one large JD and coke please."

K: "Certainly, sir." (Shines bar with tea towel embroidered with a large loon.) "One large Zach Braff and coke."

A: "Ta very muchly. Wait a minute" (...60 seconds later...) "bartender, there's a man in my drink!"

K: (unplugs iPod headphones) "Mm? Oh. Sorry. Hold on." (Fumbles under bar) "Here we go - one large Jim Davidson and coke. Enjoy."

A: "Now look here...no not here, here. That's better. I'm not happy with the level of service, its one thing being given a drink with a man who has snogged Sarah Chalke and Tara Reid, but I'm insulted to find him replaced by Jim Davidson. Literally insulted; I'm not, never have been and never will be one of Doddy's Diddy Men...I demand to see the manager!"

K: (appears behind angry customer in a scary flash of smoke and taps him on the shoulder) "Are you sure you want me to summon the Big Guy?"

A: (Turns around, removes tap from shoulder) "Ha! I'm not scared of your cheap theatrical smoke tricks, bring him on!"

K: (In full protective gear) "Okay, your funeral buddy. Hold on." (Ducks behind bar. Rustling is heard) "Here he is then, mind the fury and show some respect." (A small woolly monkey with one leg is placed on the bar)

A: (Looks at bartender as if she's gone mad) "Have you gone mad? If you expect me to believe that THIS is the mighty, all-powerful BIG GUY, then you must think I'm a Man City fan."[Man City Rock! Go Team! - Ed]

K: (The monkey slowly opens one woolly eye, and turns his woolly head towards the customer. The clatter of someone running away very very quickly down some stone steps and slamming a heavy iron trap door is heard from behind the bar.) "Hem." (The monkey clears its throat).

A: (Genuinely amazed, but not in the least bit scared, the customer calmly smiles at the monkey and in a sarcastic tone addresses him) "Morning, oh powerful one. What do I have to do to get a drink round here? A real drink, sans-comedian."

K: (With a dry woolly sound the monkey's mouth opens slowly. There is a long pause.) "To be honest, chuck, I only drink tea meself. Fancy a brew?"

A: "Where the heck are you from monkey? You seem half Mancunian, half Scouser and and half Stoke...wait a minute, that would make you a monkey and a half, you cheeky little primate!"

K: "Well that's very kind of you, sir, very kind. Oh, by the way, I have to kill you now. Hold on." (Leans head back, then snaps it back level and shoots out a 10 metre long jet of flame. For about 10 minutes)

A: (Spends 10 minutes standing 10m 10cm from the bar, gets healthy looking sun tan) "Cheers for the tan monkey...but I'm afraid that is the last straw. Erm, could you hold this ticking device for me, while I nip to the loo?" (hands over a small bomb disguised as a large bomb. Good disguise eh? Runs to the gents)

K: (Monkey sobs quietly to itself)

A: (Bang! Triumphantly the customer strides fourth from the gents, attempts one to three being unsuccessful due to his trousers still being around his ankles, and declares) "Once again Darwinism triumphs. That and a large quantity of good quality, chicken-poo based explosive...does make the pub smell like a battery hen farm though!" (But wait, through the smoke a small woolly leg can be seen twitching...)

K: (The bartender appears from behind the bar, lighting a cigarette from the twitching burning woolly leg. She looks over at the customer with a slightly contemplative expression.) "Sorry, were you waiting to speak to the boss? I couldn't find him in the cellars. Checked with an underling and he said something about feeding his pet monkey, Speckled Jim. Loves that monkey. Loves it. Even trained it to speak like the Churchill’s dog in the adverts. Apparently the last chap who threatened that monkey ended up living in Dudley."

A: "A pet monkey you say...he wouldn't be sort of woolly with one leg and an atrocious bad-breath problem would he?"

K: "Sounds like him, yes. Nice chap. Bit mad."

A: "Yeah. Look, erm not sure how to say this, but while you were down in the cellar, this big, ugly, scary gang came in and...well, to put it mildly, blew his little monkeyness to smithereens (which is near Bangor, Wales). Terribly sorry."

K: "Fair do's. Look, do you mind just pressing that red button over there behind you? The one that says 'BOOM' on it?"

A: "Yep, no problem." (He walks over to red button marked 'BOOM' and thinks to himself 'I wonder what that stands for...'Bartenders Ogle Operatic Monkeys'?')...

K: BOOM

A: "Bugger. Apparently that button marked 'BOOM', actually meant 'BOOM' and not some clever acronym...hmmm now where did I put that arm?"

K: "Didn't you hear me say "BOOM" just now? I was trying to warn you - you pressed the button marked "BUNNIES" instead. Now you've gone and lost an arm. Good gravy. Look at the mess."

A: "Well of course I pressed the button marked 'BUNNIES', I'm not stupid...oh wait a minute" (2 hours later...) "where was I? Oh yes I might be stupid, but at least I'm 'armless." (in the background somebody is practising falling down stairs whilst playing the drums, the only noise the people in the pub can hear is 'boom boom tish')

K: (Sighs) "Look, I'll cut you a break. If you use your fallen off arm to mop up some of that blood, I'll get you a drink to ease the pain a bit." (The man practising the drums while falling down stairs rolls across the floor between them, trapped in a bongo). "So what can I get you?"

A: "I'll have a JD and coke please..."

Category > Miscellaneous


6 OCT 2005

D&D journal entry

Added 6th Oct 2005 Journal entry in our D&D game.

Category > RPG > D&D


30 SEP 2005

D&D journal entry

Added 29th Sep 2005 Journal entry in our D&D game.

Category > RPG > D&D


28 SEP 2005

Become Touched by His Noodly Appendage

I encourage everyone to read about the new cult rapidly sweeping through the civilized world, namely the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Rarely has a religion managed to so clearly explain the origin of life and global warming so accurately.

Category > Internet